ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were trust falling into bushes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
