im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
