He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
