I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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