I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
