I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i drank out of a bidet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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