ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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