you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She bit a glass in half.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
