Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
