He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
