dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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