I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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