living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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