i would punch a child for taco bell
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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