Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
