the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
