Sponge bath it is.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
