Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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