oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
