You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
