He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
