so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
