i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
