you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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