Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
