A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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