I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
