I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
