Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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