is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
