Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
