God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
