Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I bet he comes in French.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
