Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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