Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
