I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
