Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
