I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
