I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
