I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
