if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
