Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
