Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
