I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
did i just pee glitter
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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