addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
and you fell through a lawn chair
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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