how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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