Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
