i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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