guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
