you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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