I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
