You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
