Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
